My less than pleasant trip to Urgent Care

I would like to start out by talking about karma. Karma is the theory of what goes around, comes around. I'm a strong believer in it and I try to live my life in a positive manner so I get good back. However, I'm also a bit of a prankster which isn't good for karma. It should be though since I'm trying to spread joy. Sometimes it backfires. This karma thing is why I don't believe in calling in sick if you aren't sick. You also shouldn't say your kid is sick or your aunt died. All of these can trigger bad things. Bad bad things.

This brings us to my prank and karma's revenge. At work,  I received an instant message about the month end deposit for the following day. It was a reminder to get it in early because we were doing two parts of month end on the same day but normally we do them on consecutive days. The next morning I got another message about it so I sent back a fake auto reply indicating that I was t at work.  The recipient responded with lol. I sent the same fake auto reply. She sent another message telling me she had sent me an email so she knew I was there. Now that's when I should have been "okay you got me." However, I couldn't let it go. I had to go and tempt fate. I send her an email from my personal email account saying that I was gone for the day but hadn't changed my email auto reply and asked if the IT guy was in because he wasn't answering my calls.

So then I go to the mailbox to get the mail so I can do the deposit. On my way back, I slipped on the ice. I didn't go down immediately. First, I leaned all my enormous weight forward which made some really gnarly sounds in my foot. Then, I proceeded to fall in slow motion. My foot that crunched stayed flat in the pavement. My knee bent and my butt hit the pavement. My other leg ended up under me. I got a bruise on that knee but that's about it. So I'm in the parking lot sitting on my butt in snow. I honk my foot is broken. I'm seeing black and stars. I want to throw up and pass out but I have to get up. I normally don't go two feet without my phone but on this day I decided to go all the way to the mailbox without it. I managed to stand up and hobble to my desk. Now I really think I'm going to puke. I manage to text a coworker so if I do pass out he at least knows the history. He quickly called nes to my desk. I can barely speak because I just want to die. Then the IT guy calls and says so and so told me to call you. I convince him that I'm fine but in too much pain to provide details. I get off the phone with him and a customer walked in. I really just want to die and I can't get away from people. I explain that I may have broken my foot so I can't walk so he needs to find help in the shop. He offers to take me to urgent care. He has restored my faith in humanity but really I want to die so just go find the shop guy so I can take drugs and cry. He left and the crypt no ensued. Once the crying was done, I actually didn't want to puke or die any longer. However it still hurt like hell and I needed to get my act together to figure out what to do. More people show up. I finished my month end stuff and got a rude to urgent care. Oddly enough, a co worker had an appountmtet in the area. 

Here is where the horror story begins. So my boss walks me out to the truck. It's too high for me to just plop into. So there's the logistics of how do we get the fat girl into this truck without touching her in inappropriate places. I decide to just bite the bullet and leap in. I was trying to decide which would be worse to leave the hurt leg on the ground or step up with the hurt leg. I went with step up with the hurt leg. Bad idea. Now my ass is in my bosses face. I'm turned around in some weird position and in hella pain. I finally get situated and then we're on our way. 

The drive was horribly scary. It was snowing and his pick up truck has no skills in the snow. We were slipping and sliding. So we get there and urgent care isn't right inside the doorway. He asks if I want a wheelchair. I'm like hell year cuz I don't want to walk that far. He fetches the wheelchair and I go to sit down, but I met some resistance. Yes my ass is too big for the wheelchair. I managed to cram myself into said wheelchair though because I'm not going to say that I can't fit. He dumps me off at the window. I get checked in and she gives me an ice pack which she put on my foot once she got me all situated. The thing fell off. Now I'm stuck in a wheelchair I'm too big to fit into and I have to figure out how to get this thing. I tried bending over for it but my belly is too big. I somehow managed to get it but then it fell while I was putting it back on. Now I feel like everyone is watching the fat girl. I ended up just ditching the ice pack in my bag to save the embarrassment. 

I waited an hour and a half to get into a room. They put me in a group room and didn't hide me behind a curtain so I have to explain what happened with an audience. Not too embarrassing since it was just a fall but then they want my shoe and sock off which I can't really do comfortably on my own but I don't want to ask for help because I feel like I should be able to do this easily but can't because of my ginormous weight. So I fumble around and get it done with an audience. We go through the exam and I get X-rays. 

Nothing is broken but I need to wear a gigantic boot and use crutches. The guy trying to do up the boot is having a hard time getting it to come together in front because if my large calf. He says that he's having a hard time because of my jeans. Thanks for tryouts me to be kind. It's appreciated but just made me feel horrible that he felt he had to lie to make me feel better or to break the awkward silence. Then the real trauma begins. I have to use crutches. Last time I did that, I weighed a lot less and had a lot more muscle power. It went as badly as you can imagine except I didn't fall. Once I prove I'm not going to kill myself,  phew says he'll walk me out and asks if I want him to push me in the chaur or use the crutches. I jump all over the wheelchair but now I have to get back into it and I know I don't fit. I crammed my ass back into it and he wheeled me out front. I then had to sit there waiting for my ride. 

Getting home didn't make things any better. I had to use the crutches to get to the bathroom and I was exhausted by the time I got there. I had to have my husband set up a chair for me to lean on so I could put my contacts in. I couldn't take a showe because I couldn't get into the tub. After the third day, I felt gross enough that I came up with a way to shower but it involved getting naked in the bright white well lit bathroom which was horrible. There is a giant mirror so that was just horrible. I was able to actually shower alone but I needed help getting my robe on and getting out of the tub. 

Overall, it was a miserable experience that would have been so much less horrible if I wasn't so overweight and out of shape. Moments like these remind me that I must do something about the weight. I was doing so well and then it all went to crap. I was finally going to get back in track and now this setback. I'm not sure how long it will take before I can workout.