Why am I fat?

The obvious answer to that question would be because I eat more calories than I burn, but this post goes deeper than that. When I was a kid, I was pretty active. I rode my bike a lot, and we had a small farm. I ate a lot of candy and Little Debbie snacks, but there was a lot of activity going on to burn those calories. My first job was at a pig and sheep farm, and my second job was at a dairy barn. When I was 22, I was 150 pounds and moved to Colorado. I got a desk job at an animal hospital. I also developed a love of baking. I made cookies, cupcakes, quick breads and other yumies to bring to work with me.

Soon after my move, I started packing on the pounds. I got up to 200. I tried to lose weight a few times. I tried going low-carb and I also tried doing the Weight Watchers diet without actually going to any meetings. I did okay with low-carb, but I am a carb lover, so it was really hard to stick with. Buttered bread and buttered pasta are two of my favorite things. I turn to sweets when I get stressed out too, and the low-carb sweets make my stomach hurt. I bought Tae-Bo tapes and did those pretty regularly. At some point, I got down to 180 at one point, but then something derailed me. I tried again and got derailed again.

I was 202 pounds when I moved to Oregon four years later. I tried Tae-Bo a few times again, and tried low-carb again. I had minimal success again mainly because I didn't stick with it. Something always happened to derail me. After a couple of years I was up to 303 pounds. I bought the Nintendo Wii and got Wii Fit. I also found a book called Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle. I had pretty good success with this and even felt good enough to sign up for a free gym membership through work. I kept it a secret from my co-workers though and only went during the morning when I knew they wouldn't be there.

Between the gym and the stuff I learned with Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle, I managed to lose just under 50 pounds. This was huge for me. I felt good about things. My husband and I were hiking on the weekends,and then it all went downhill. I started coughing all the time. I could hardly get to sleep because I was coughing so much. I coughed all day at work. Chewing minty gum helped with the coughing, but I was already derailed. I had given up on the gym in hopes that the coughing would go away. It didn't. I went to the doctor who gave me an inhaler, but it didn't help. Whenever I was near chemicals, I would cough. It didn't have to be anything particularly toxic. It could be cologne, perfume, Sharpies, the toner in my printer at work or just about anything that had a smell. I started gaining weight again.

I then moved from the valley to Central Oregon. The coughing pretty much stopped. It was wonderful. We started hiking and once I felt confident that the coughing was gone, I even joined a new gym. I started losing weight again, but then I got sick and stopped going to the gym. Once again derailed. I started up again, but got a huge blister on my first day back, so I didn't go back. I started up again, but then had raging PMS, so I skipped one day and didn't go back. Now, the coughing is back, so I'm afraid to go to the gym. I've been working on trying to find the trigger, but I think it's my job. I've been trying to find a new job, but that's been rather difficult.

So, with all of that said......Why am I fat? I'm fat because I make excuses. As long as I keep making excuses, I will always be fat.